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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Today's Messed Up Mythology

  Because a great deal of the best science fiction and fantasy works have roots in myth (and just because I can), I will devote an entire blog string to the little-know mythology that surrounds many of our daily items and functions. Today's focus - the Porcelain Gods...

  There are three Porcelain Gods that exist today namely Urini - goddess of the golden flow, Fecus - Bringer of Crap, and Retchus - Bringer of Bile. They are all the offspring of the one mighty god of Porcelain - Sloan. Today we will focus on on instant when Sloan sent his elder son Fecus to deal with the persistant witch Gonnorhea...

  And behold! a great clapping of light and thunder did materialize, and with it Sloan sent his elder son Fecus to dispatch of the powerful witch Gonnerhea.
  "Off with you, foul witch," said he, "or I shall smite thee by calling forth my mighty thunder!"
  "Nay, poopsmith!" said the witch. "For if you so do, then will I curse you with a burn and stench more foul than all the emanations of the lands combined!"
  Fecus was stunned by the persistence of this witch, but stood his ground nonetheless.
  "Behold the mighty blast of my winds, wench!" said he as the cheeks of the sky split in twain sending forth an odorous rumble that shook the very foundations of the Earth.
  Gonnorhea tried to fend off the assault, but to no avail. She was swept away in a sea of fire when the thunder of Fecus met the flames of a nearby encampment.